Take your time
Howdy everyone,
It has been a minute. I am going to be quite honest and admit that I have not been in a super great headspace as of late. To the point that things that I enjoy have felt more like a chore than anything so I do apologize for the random bursts of silence. As much as I would like to say that this is a new development and I have never had this happen before, unfortunately that is not the case, and this is relatively common for me. But it does pass with enough time and self-reflection, which is what I have been doing and I do feel better than I did a few weeks ago. So, with that out of the way, let me catch you up on what’s been going on.
Camp is open and lively with guests, music, and children’s laughter. I have been learning more and more about the area I reside in and what draws people to this temperate rainforest. Living 20 minutes away from the most visited National Park in America does call for a lot of knowledge about the park and what exactly makes it the most popular out of the 63 National Parks. By doing a lot of research, a lot of information about the park you cannot simply google or look at the National Park website, your feet must hit the trails. So, a lot of hiking has been going on for me, as of right now I have done 5 hikes in the Great Smoky Mountains and luckily for me, being outside is also my personal form of therapy so two birds, one stone.
The hike I did on Sunday helped me process the kaleidoscope of feelings that have been whirling through my head the past few weeks. Being surrounded by rock formations, giant trees, and the wildflowers begs you to stop and genuinely contemplate the moment that you are in. The trees, the soil, the moss-covered rocks, they have been here for ages. Unmoving. Simply existing and in the same area for longer than humans can fathom. It’s a testament to the idea that you are exactly where you are meant to be at this moment. You don’t have to run and jump through hoops and chase whatever goal you are trying to accomplish. It made me stand and think that there are always things I am going to feel like I am missing out on. What if I am doing the wrong thing? What if I am making mistakes and failing in this thing we call life? What if I wake up one day and look back at the past and realize that I should have been putting forth all my energy into the “American Dream”? There is always going to be anxiety regarding what I am doing versus what my peers are doing. Some of the people I have known for years are getting married, starting families, finishing their degrees, beginning their careers and I am happy for them, truly. However, I am not them and they are not me. At the end of the day, I know deep down in my gut, I would not be happy with their life, just like they would more than likely not be happy with the absolute chaos and uncertainty that I call mine. I am happy with where I am at and what I am doing. The rocks and the trees do not sit there and contemplate whether they are doing enough or whether they are at the same place as the tree next to them. They simply be. That is what I have been working on accepting. Simply being.
The job that I am doing for this season is a lot of fun, but it does require a lot of attention and effort even outside of working hours. For this reason, burnout is a very real thing at this job. All of the staff is giving 110% effort and at some point we will all start feeling the burnout. Like how I referenced earlier about how gaining knowledge about this area is more than just looking information up, going on hikes or exploring the surrounding towns is more than just for fun. It helps equip me with better knowledge, references, and recommendations for our guests. So as I am having a good time exploring and finding hidden gems, these fun excursions usually take place on my days off after working 40+ hours a week for my job. Which then makes it feel like I am never truly done with work. Along with the excursions that the company plans for us, which are fun and deeply appreciated, there is never a time where I am not with the people I work with every day. With all of the combined, I have started feeling the results of burnout which has contributed to the darker mindset that has been plaguing me. To combat this, I have unapologetically taken time for myself, which is unusual for me. The people-pleaser in me is screaming whenever I say no or turn down requests for social interaction, but I have realized that at the end of the day, I need to take care of myself before trying to take care of others around me. During these times alone, I have done activities that I know soothe me. Such as reading, cleaning, spending time with my partner, meditating, calming tasks that are tried and true for easing my mind and making everything a bit more manageable for me.
Yes, a lot has been happening around me and in my mind. As of Sunday, I am working on being better at just being here and appreciating the moments that are happening. I am also working on taking care of myself and getting better at recognizing when a break is needed and accepting that is okay and valid for me. Thank you for reading and taking time out of your day. Go outside, appreciate nature, and most importantly, take time for yourself. You are worth it.
See you out there,
N